kkaleds asked: Dear Past me,
(Oh…this ones going to get deep)
Dear Past me,
I’m sorry. I’ve always said I have way to much confidence in my future self and I’ve come to realize more and more everyday how true it is. I feel like I’m not the person you hoped I would be. You still have low self-esteem and low self confidence (you’ve gotten better at hiding it though). I can tell you that you don’t even talk to those girls that caused most of it anymore, but you’re going to think about them a lot. You’re going to tell yourself that you’re going to be so much better than them one day and they are going to regret everything they ever said or did to you (even though they never realized how much their words hurt in the first place) Things got better when you met Heather in high school. You hated her guts the moment you walked into Ms. Murphy’s room and even more so when she sat you next to her but the minute Heather turned and shyly said hello a friendship was born that I can tell you know will continue well after you both kick the bucket. Then you’ll meet Kasey and Sarah who will be right there with Heather kicking your butt from beyond the grave. Kasey, who will teach you how to properly cuss and be someone who will always listen (and then kick your ass until you feel better ^^) and Sarah, who will be one of the gosh darn sweetest people you will ever meet and will be your coffee house buddy for life. You’ll talk to a complete stranger online and she’ll turn out to be one of the best friends you’ll ever have. You’ll call her LP and she’ll call you DW and the two of you will have the craziest on and off line adventures. With her you’ll meet Gina and Nicole, two sisters who will make you smile every time you see them online and Natasha, an artist you’ll watch grow more and more everyday.
You’ll still be friends with Caity. Yes, fifteen years after meeting in pre-school you two will still be friends. You won’t get to see each other very often but you’ll find time and the two of you will continue to geek out and watch Sailor Moon just like you used to and I’m happy to report that I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon. You’ll meet so many wonderful people in college, Brian, Eileen, Sarah, Kelsey, Meghan…the list goes on. They’re going to keep you cheerful and positive because you’re not going to like the school very much at all.
You still don’t have a boyfriend but you really don’t care all that much. You’re weird and old fashioned and you’re content to wait until the right guy tells you you’re a dynamite gal. You still love history and you’re known to everyone as “THE DISNEY GIRL”. You were so sure of what you wanted out of life but now not so much, but you’re trying to stay hopeful even though it’s hard. You’re very into Doctor Who right now. Heads up, it’s going to hurt. A LOT. But you’ll love every minute of it.
Most of all I want to tell you to stay strong. Things are going to get hard for you, very very hard and you’re going to have to bottle a lot of things up and the effects of this are going to come back to haunt you for years to come. You’re going to be faced with a lot of death and sadness but you will always have your family and you will always have your friends and they are going to make living worth it. I may not be who you expected to be, but I’m working to change that. It’s slow and God damnit is it hard but remember to just “keep moving forward.”
P.s. Hey past me, one favor. I want you to go and give Barky the biggest and most love filled hug you can manage and tell him how much you love him and how you will never forget him and that he is not just a dog to you but your dearest friend and baby brother and that you will always love him until infinity and beyond.